Pandemic blues

The world has changed. It’s now been a full year with no gatherings for us. If you would have asked me how I was doing in September I would have said mostly thriving. After all, I am an introvert.

The Initial shutdown in April was a tough month full of stress and a lot of unknowns. Is the company an essential service? Do we get to keep working? If we do, how? What needs to change? How do I help people feel safe? Can we do split shifts? How will that work? We adapted the best we could. Once July came around we were back to a normal schedule with work, and it was apparent that summer, as usual, was not the case. No concerts on the horizon, no weekend getaways to Vegas. But plenty of time outside with the pup.

I managed my stress with art. Painting every day or almost every day. I also discovered handmade watercolors and fell in love with Ruby Mountain’s salt pigments. I found myself getting lost in the magic that they make on their own, always something different. Every day we would take a mental break, listen to a record, pet the dog and I’d paint made-up mountain scenes with beautiful sky’s.

We also did our share of binge-watching tv. We really got into Oak Island (that is the only one worth mentioning). While we watched shows with Gilbert napping next to us I would work on my topographic embroidery. Keeping my hands busy seemed to help keep me calm.

In September Colorado started getting fires. And in October we had to evacuate my parents, at which point they decided that they were going to move to Florida “until all of this blows over”… ya, they will probably just come back to visit. This was the second time I’ve evacuated my parents, The first time I lived with them. Both times it’s surreal. This time gave me some flashbacks to when I was in middle school, but this time I could actually be helpful. Packing up what was left of my room was sad, worrying about the fires was hard, and it just felt like tumbling through waves with just enough time to breathe once before the next wave crashed down.

After that, I needed a break just as the world of politics was brewing, a time when no matter what side you're on, you need a break.

Honestly, I don’t remember much from October to now. The highlights: Thanksgiving a day we normally dread as we would go to two very large family dinners with a two or three-hour break in between. This one was great, we called everyone individually and actually got to talk to them. We made lobster mac and cheese because we don’t really like a full Thanksgiving meal. It was nice to not have the hustle, but I did miss the pie. December was the hardest we mourned our trip to Strings and Sol more than we expected. And then Christmas was a tough one. It was both of our first Christmas’s without being with our families, zoom was nice, but not the same. I didn’t miss the loud chaos that comes with holidays, but I missed the quiet moments and smiles. Our first Christmas spent at our house was slow, luckily the weather was nice and we got to visit my grandfather outside for a little while.

And now we’re here. Every conversation with my mother in January and February included “what are you working on right now?” “Oh, nothing… I decided to take January off”… January turned into February and we had more sad news, lost two grandparents, feeling so numb to it all.

Projects have piled up, ideas are patiently sitting in dusty corners of my brain. I kept thinking maybe taking a little break will give me time to refresh, refocus and organize… nope. Not the case.

2021… I’m hopeful for this year, but it’s sure a rocky start.